Not that bad

Ok yesterday was some sort of nervous breakdown.
I'm not that bad...

Honestly I'm not that bad, or my therapist would have stuffed me with tons of medicine instead of kicking me out of the door and told me not to waste too much money on counselling...
After that I found a different kind of therapy to spend money on and it actually feels much better - travelling!

Anyhow, back to nervous breakdown... Again, it's not that bad, but the city is so stressful  these days with Tet coming, and I usually feel much worse around this time of the year. Everything just swung the mood down.
I used to be a Tet lover, that's why it's more difficult to deal with now.

I'm not saying that I was pretending. Those were really words from my head and heart, but they are not supposed to be spoken out loud. These things simply turn me into a pathetic, psycho freak publicly, which is not completely incorrect, but again, *whispering* it's supposed to be a secret.
Because?
1. No one care.
2. Worse than that, people would feel sorry, and then, don't care.

My therapist used to ask me if I would ever show my true self, the real me that usually played "tough" at times but easily got panic at many other times.

Of course. Of course I would.
I sometimes have this image on my mind. It's a little cosy room with three window-sides that form a half-hexagon shape. I'm curling up on the couch, resting my head on your lap and babbling about all the good, the bad, and the ugly. You would run your fingers through my hair, whispering to me "It's alright. I'm here, I got your back".

If you were real, I would love you so much.